Breakfast food is my favorite food. I like eggs but I love bacon, sausage, biscuits and gravy, and hashbrowns. I can eat breakfast food at any meal and be very happy. With my beard, any meal can turn that beard into an unintentional food storage device. Many of you have probably heard the expression “egg on your face”, as much as I like breakfast food I also like to look up the origins of phrases like that. This one doesn’t have a clear origin but having egg on my face has clear ties to a childhood insecurity I have often felt and sometimes relive today. I have never felt like I can trust people who will literally or figuratively let me walk around with egg on my face. If there is something obvious I can do to make people’s experience of me more pleasant then I would want to do that and those people who have shown to be my friends in life have been the ones who love me enough to tell me I have something I need to wipe away, I have something I am blind to that I need to correct. When I read Ephesians 4:25 it makes me think of what a true friend or good community should be like.
Ephesians 4:25 (ESV) says “ Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” This verse highlights that we are connected with each other and that one of the best ways to live that out is to speak truthfully with one another. I am sure not many of us would think about lying directly or intentionally to one another. However, on the other side of every sin of doing something to someone, there is the other side where we do not do what we should do for someone. The verse doesn’t just say not to lie but to “speak truth” to one another.
When I was working at Miracle Camp, my previous ministry before GCC, I was exposed to a list of communication rules that made me feel as free as I ever had and squashed the insecurity in me that people were letting me walk around with egg on my face. I want to highlight the key to this free and unifying communication. As much as it hurts at times, hearing the truth from a friend is so freeing because you know you have somebody watching your back (and your face) for things you can’t see about yourself. Trust starts to happen at a deep and ever-deepening level.
Here they are with short explanations:
Candid and Authentic Communication- Say what you want to say and say it in your own words. Talk about things when they are small and can be candid before they need a meeting.
No Triangulation- Talk with someone directly, don’t talk to someone else hoping that things will get back to the person you should talk to. They will get back to them but it will foster bitterness and not trust.
Speak for Yourself- The theoretical “they” that don’t like something should never be referenced. “They” may have something to say but “they” don’t matter.
Bring a Solution with Your Issue- This is very akin to “walking a mile in someone else’s shoes.” When trying to bring a solution (and “do better” doesn’t count) you have to consider the resources and circumstances a person is working under. Maybe they haven’t thought of a solution on their own because their situation is a hard one. This exercise shows love and compassion. It builds that membership in one another's lives Ephesians talks about.
Confront Issues within 48hrs- Deal with things fresh, this helps guard against triangulation, judgement of others and keeps things small. The tagline is “no hands from the grave” and that means that if you don’t make it a point to talk about something with someone quickly then you give up your right to talk to them.
A family of people who tell the truth to each other in these ways will be unbreakable and will have so much joy and security in each other. These are all framed in the negative about issues but following this same model for praise, encouragement, and thanks is even more powerful.
Will Regier