"It's time. Let go. It will be okay."
Hmmm . . . that wasn't the answer I had anticipated.
I'd committed myself to praying over something until God gave a clear answer. For awhile I thought God wasn't answering; this was a season of waiting. But I soon learned I just wasn't listening well. My stubbornness and pride were too loud to sense the Spirit's leading.
My answer came in an Elijah-esque fashion.
"Then the LORD said, 'Go out and stand on the mountain before the Lord. Behold, the Lord is about to pass by.' And a great and mighty wind tore into the mountains and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a still, small voice. " 1 Kings 19:11-12
Like Elijah's story in 1 Kings, I found myself in a desert place. God had just shown me his amazing power to provide and bring victory in some big ways. But I was physically and emotionally spent - like a runner who pushes past the finish line victoriously, only to stumble and fall.
In my weakness I kept trying to push forward, up the mountain to get a better view. Maybe I could see what God was doing up there. I wasn't giving up! Like Elijah, God met me there. But he had to get my attention first. He had to compel me to listen.
First, came the mighty wind, cold and shocking. Next, came the earthquake, unsettling and scary. Then, came the fire. It was painful to say the least. Now God had my attention!
What followed was a long period of silence - almost deafening, it was so quiet. I waited. I prayed. I sought wise, trusted counsel. I waited and listened some more. I learned to embrace the quiet. Then came the still small voice.
"It's time. Let go. It will be okay."
"But God, you don't mean . . . no, really?"
"It's time. Let go. It will be okay."
"But what about this? What about that? Who will . . . ?"
"It's time. Let go. It will be okay."
"How will I know if I'm hearing you right? What if this is wrong? Am I just giving up? Why now?"
"Trust me, child. It's time. Let go. It will be okay."
" . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ok, here goes . . . . I trust you. I'll let go."
I'm not sure what I expected to happen. A free fall? Everything to come crumbling down? Instead, I was met with the most amazing sense of peace. I'm not sure I have ever experienced peace quite like this!
You might be wondering, what was this big thing you were praying about? What has God asked you to let go of?
Well, it’s kind of hard to say it. I really cannot believe I am saying it, but the Lord has led so clearly that it is time for me to end my time on staff here at the church. I’m letting you all know I have handed in my resignation and my last day will be September 17th . . . . Yup, that was hard to say!
I don't understand it, or the timing. I don't have any idea what God is leading me to next. I just know he is leading me out of my role here at Grace. And when God speaks as loudly (or softly) as he did, who am I to argue?
Honestly, stepping away will take as much courage as it took to step into my role. But, this peace . . . there's nothing like it!
Let me express my gratitude to you, the church. Over the past nine years on staff, I have been stretched and challenged. I have grown and developed in ways I never would have anticipated. You all have been so kind, loving, encouraging and supportive. I have been blessed to serve alongside you for the sake of God's kingdom. Thank you for all your prayers, kind and caring words, and love! My family looks forward to worshipping and serving with you each week, just in a different way.
To the staff, leaving you is hard. Thank you for your friendship, partnership, acceptance, laughter, and love. Whether we have served together for a lot or a little, I appreciate each of you. I will continue to pray for you, that God would lead and empower you in your kingdom work.
Sorry, I know I'm getting a bit sappy here. But truly, I have been so blessed and I don't want my leaving to be the focus. God is moving! His plans and his timing are perfect! I have complete confidence that he will lead and provide, even as he leads me away.
I heard this phrase in a song on the radio that just seemed to sum up how I'm feeling about this change: "Not giving up. I'm giving in to what you've planned, for your glory."
I love you, Grace! See you Sunday!
For His glory,
Juli Dirks